


White Noise

by LemonNinjaa



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Musicians, Piano, Violins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-08-27 21:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8418193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonNinjaa/pseuds/LemonNinjaa
Summary: Phil moves to London, and through the walls of his new flat, he can hear his neighbours arguing, but he can also hear the sounds of someone playing piano and singing beautifully, so maybe it evens out. Musician YouTuber AU.





	1. My House

     Phil heaved the last box on top of two others piled in the corner before straightening up and wiping his forehead with his sleeve. _Moving is never any fun_ , he thought.  _The only exciting thing is being able to decorate the new place._

     The lack of full furnishing made the space echo, and the intense whiteness of everything made it feel somewhat eerie. He decided that until he got the place fully decorated, he’d have to spread his houseplants around to make the flat feel more welcoming.

     But it was late already; through the balcony doors he could see London being brought to life by streetlights and car headlights. Instead of continuing to unpack, he rescued his laptop from where it was buried under a bunch of clothes, moved his violin case into a corner where he wouldn’t accidentally trip over it, and sat on the bed that had come with the flat. He had already spread his sheets over it, but the whole room smelled unfamiliar, so he lit a scented candle (“Ocean Breeze”, it said) before leaning against the wall with his laptop on his lap. He started browsing Facebook, considering and then deciding against posting a status about him being all moved in. He did text his mum to let her know, though.

     “ _Hey Mum! All moved into my new flat! A lot bigger than my old one, although I need to finish unpacking tomorrow.”_

     He didn’t expect a reply since his mum was probably going to bed soon if she wasn’t asleep already, so he tossed his phone onto the bed next to him. He continued browsing the Internet, flitting between Tumblr and Twitter. He idly thought about what he’d do tomorrow and how --

     “Look, it’s not my problem, okay?! Why do you always have to be like this?” A muffled male voice shouted, audible through the wall Phil was leaning against. Phil jumped at the sudden volume before sighing. _I guess I’m living next to_ that _kind of neighbour,_ he thought.

     "Why am _I_ like this? You’re the one who’s fucking sleeping around when you’re supposed to be in a committed relationship with me!” A slightly higher male voice shouted back.

     “I’m sorry, babe, okay? You’re just so --” The first male voice had lowered in volume, but then became too muffled to understand.

     Phil turned to stare at the wall behind him, as if that would show him what was going on or who was talking, but it hurt his back to do that so he turned back to relieve his spine from the contorted position. He frowned. Hopefully his neighbours would figure things out; he hated cheating and hated hearing about it. It also sounded like the couple had other issues.

     “All moved into my new flat! Hopefully my new neighbours don’t always yell this much,” he tweeted.

     He saw his mentions fill up with favourites, retweets, subscribers asking how the place was or what his neighbours were yelling about, strange photos, and random phrases. (“You could smack me with your bow and I’d thank you,” one of them said. He made a face at that one.) He interacted with them a little, favouriting and replying, before blowing out the candle and going to bed.

\--

     Phil was in the middle of patting himself down, searching for his keys, when he registered the sound of a door opening. He looked up to see a man with intense green eyes and blonde hair slicked back severely. The man’s mouth was drawn in a tight line, and when they made eye contact, Phil shivered at his intimidating gaze, quickly looking away and pulling off his bag to look inside for his keys. The man stalked by silently, his dress shoes clicking on the tile floor.

 _I wonder if he’s one of the people I heard yelling yesterday… He doesn’t look very friendly_ , Phil thought as he finally found his keys buried at the bottom of his bag. He unlocked the door and went to his room to change into more comfortable clothes, but paused in the doorway at the muffled sound of sobbing. _I wish I could do something… I can’t exactly go over and be like, 'Hey I know we haven’t met before, but hi I’m Phil and I heard you crying through the wall’..._

     In the end, Phil did nothing. He hated not being able to help people in distress, but there was just nothing he could think of that wouldn’t end in awkwardness or discomfort for either of them; he didn’t want to come off as nosy or intrusive. He absentmindedly bit at his bottom lip as he stared at his laptop screen, mulling over the situation.

     He lifted his head when he heard the sound of a piano. Placing his laptop to one side, he walked around the room, trying to identify where it was coming from, but it didn’t seem to get much louder. Phil walked out to the lounge; finding it considerably louder out there, he walked over to his balcony door, leaning close to the glass to peer over to the balcony on the right of him, but it was impossible to see anything because of the distance between them and the angle he was at. He then looked over to the balcony he shared with the flat left of his. He still couldn’t really see anything because of the short divider separating their balcony from his, but he guessed that since he could hear it from his room, it was probably his left neighbour. He was sure that whoever was playing was either on their balcony, out of sight, or inside their flat but really close to their balcony door. He sighed, his curiosity not fully satisfied, and went to go make a cup of coffee to distract himself.

\--

 _I am so late, oh my God._ He was rushing out his door and narrowly avoided colliding with someone.

     “I’m so sorry,” he yelled back, already running. “I’m so late as it is, I’m so sorry!”

     The man he’d nearly bumped into blinked at Phil’s back getting further and further away before shaking his head, brown fringe getting in his eyes. As he turned to make his way to his own flat, the three-dimensional cactus sticker adorning the door caught his eye. He stared at it for a second, then looked down the hallway where Phil had gone, then back at the sticker. He quietly snorted in amusement before entering the flat left of Phil’s.

\--

     Phil ran his bow gently over the block of rosin, preparing it so he could practice. He hadn’t tweeted very much, much less posted another video, over the last two weeks because he’d been so busy settling into his new flat, decorating, and checking out the area. He already knew what he was going to post, it was just a matter of recording it; he didn’t want the noise to bother his neighbours, particularly the excitable dog that lived in the flat right of his. It had been hard trying to find the right time, but now that he was mostly done decorating, he was more than ready to jump back into it.

     In the flat left of Phil’s, the brown-eyed man stopped what he was doing and stared at a wall while he focused on the sound of a violin drifting through the walls. He got up and started to walk around his flat, but the sound of the door opening distracted him. He turned and smiled at the man walking into his flat.

     “Hey, babe, how was work?”

     “It was good.” The man walked further into the flat to kiss the other on the cheek, wrapping an arm around him. “But I’m so tired of dealing with all of these incompetent people…”

\--

     Phil startled fully awake at a thud and the muted sound of something shattering from the other side of the wall. He had drifted off during a marathon of Buffy, but the loud sound sent adrenaline rushing through his veins.

     “What the fuck is the matter with you?!” He heard someone with a higher voice shout. “What kind of fucking child are you, throwing things and having a tantrum!”

     “Shut the fuck up, you little shit, it’s all your fault!” This voice sounded dark and menacing.

     “The fuck do you mean, _my_ fault?! We’ve been over this, you’re the one who can’t keep it in your pants! It’s not my fault that you got caught cheating on _me_!”

     “If you were good in bed I wouldn’t have to go to other people!”

     “Yeah, okay, and that’s why you’ve cheated on me like five times with all different people, right? Don’t pull that pathetic excuse shit on me, Andrew. I’m fucking done; it’s over. I tried giving you a second chance, I kept giving you chances but you can’t stop yourself. It’s over, get out of my flat.”

     “Fuck you, Dan, you’re nothing! You’re still the same pathetic boy I met two years ago. Without me, you’re nothing!”

     Phil had been listening as he lay awake in bed, eyes wide open. He flinched when he heard a sound like somebody collided with the wall.

     “Get the fuck off me!” Dan shrieked. “Don’t touch me, just get out!”

     There was another heavy thud, like Andrew had shoved Dan against the wall again.

     “Fuck you!” Dan yelled.

     Phil’s chest prickled with a mix of emotions. He lunged for his phone, mind racing as he checked the time. It was just after midnight, and if he called the police on a Saturday they might be too busy to come quick enough… Phil leapt out of bed and quickly pulled on clothes, making it look like he’d been awake and ready for company. He almost ran to the door of his flat, but he knew he ought to stay completely silent. He paused before opening the door, steeling himself for the reckless thing he was about to do. _I can’t just stand by and listen to what might end in murder…_

     He eased the door shut behind him, walking to the door of the flat next to his. He could hear the yelling through the door, but it was muffled. Taking a deep breath, he knocked, and the yelling immediately stopped. There was a long silence, and Phil wasn’t sure if they’d answer, but he heard footsteps and then the door opened.

     “Hey, I’m here to get Dan? We were… supposed to have a marathon of Buffy,” Phil improvised, looking at the cold-looking man with green eyes and knowing that this couldn’t be Dan.

     Phil’s eyes flicked to the brown-haired man hovering in the background and would’ve kept staring at him, but he purposely made eye contact again with the man right in front of him, trying to seem nonchalant. Phil’s heart was tripping over itself in his chest, but he didn’t want to risk Andrew calling his bluff.

     Andrew narrowed his eyes at Phil before turning away, muttering, “Whatever.” He hissed something under his breath that Phil couldn’t hear, but he was sure it was unflattering.

     Dan glared at Andrew, leaning close to whisper something angrily before walking past him towards the door. Phil heard Andrew scoff, but couldn’t see his expression since his back was to him.

     Phil motioned to Dan to keep quiet as they slipped back inside Phil’s flat. He wasn’t sure if Andrew recognized him from that very brief run-in when Phil couldn’t find his keys, so he didn’t want to tip him off if he didn’t realize.

     He led Dan to the kitchen, which was as far away from Dan’s flat they could get, and only then did Phil talk.

     “Hey, um, do you want tea, hot chocolate, coffee…?” Phil offered, cataloguing the planes of his cheekbones, his delicate nose, the way his fringe fell over one eye before he subconsciously brushed it back into place.

     “Uh… hot chocolate, please,” Dan said, examining the kitchen and not making eye contact.

     “Coming right up!” Phil chirped, turning away but still flicking glances back at him.

     “So… Um… Who are you?” Dan asked quietly, cheeks flushing.

     “Oh! I forgot to introduce myself, sorry. I’m Phil, and well, I’m your neighbour, as you can tell,” Phil said sheepishly, the two of them finally making eye contact over the counter as he broke up pieces of chocolate. “I moved in recently, and… the walls are very thin, so I can hear you guys sometimes.”

     Dan looked embarrassed and scandalized at the same time, and Phil could feel his cheeks burning as he realized what Dan thought.

     “That’s not what I meant! I can just hear you guys arguing sometimes…”

     They both lapsed into silence, blushing furiously. The misunderstanding broke the initial tension and awkwardness of being strangers in the current situation, but now they were both dwelling on the awkwardness of the misunderstanding. They didn’t talk again until Phil put milk to boil on the stove.

     “So… I guess you heard what just happened with Andrew,” Dan said hesitantly.

     “Yeah… Are you okay? I was scared that something bad was going to happen so I intervened. Do you… need anything, or...?” Phil wasn’t sure what to say.

     “I’m just worried that he’ll still be there when I go back… Knowing who he is, he’ll probably move out and move on to find someone new, but he has a key to my flat still. Even if I change the locks, I’m scared he’ll wait outside for me or something…”

     “You can stay here for a while,” Phil suggested. “It’s close enough that if you need anything, you and I can listen out for him and then go in together.”

     Dan considered it, tilting his head to one side.

     “Are you sure… I mean, we just met today, and I don’t want to burden you like that. I’m sure my friend Louise would let me stay with her…”

     Stirring the chocolate into the milk, Phil looked at Dan when he heard him say Louise. It wasn’t a common name, and London was definitely massive so it was very unlikely that it was the same person, but just maybe…

     “I mean, you’re already here and it’s pretty late, so you might as well just stay here. Maybe tomorrow though, we can check if he’s taken his stuff yet? If it makes you more comfortable to have more people around, you could ask Louise to come too so it’d be three of us against him if he decides to show up again.”

     Dan worried his lip between his teeth, clearly thinking. Phil concentrated on what he was doing, trying not to make Dan feel like he was being pressured.

     “Okay,” Dan said softly. “I’ll text Louise now in case she’s still awake.”

     Phil poured the hot chocolate into mugs.

     “Do you want marshmallows?”

     “Yes, please.”

     Phil handed one of the mugs over before settling next to Dan.

     “So… This is a really random question, but does your friend Louise’s last name happen to be Pentland?”

     Dan stared at Phil.

     “Yeah… How did you know that?”

     “I can read minds!” Phil made finger guns at Dan, who couldn’t help but snort at the ridiculous face he made with the gesture. “I’m friends with her, too!”

     “Small world…” Dan took a sip of his hot chocolate.

     Phil nodded in response.

     There was an awkward silence.

     “...Do you like Mario Kart?” Phil asked.

     Dan whipped his head around to look at Phil, eyes sparkling.

     “You’re going down.”

     “I won’t stand for that attitude in my own home!”

\--

     “Afternoon, loves!” Louise’s cheery voice settled into the corners of Phil’s flat like sunshine. “What a coincidence that you two are both friends with me and live right next to each other!”

     She hugged Phil first since he had opened the door, then hugged Dan. She stepped back and placed her hands on Dan’s cheeks, looking him in the face.

     “You alright? I’ll fight him myself if he tries to come back, just you watch!” She said softly while Phil pretended he wasn’t paying attention to this private moment.

     Dan smiled, his cheeks slightly squished by her hands.

     “I’m fine, Louise, we can fight him together if he dares show his damn face.”

     Louise hugged him again before withdrawing to look at the both of them expectantly.

     “Well, let’s go then, no rest for the wicked,” she said with a wink.

     She confidently led the way, unlocking Dan’s flat. The lights were off, and Dan sighed with relief when he saw all of Andrew’s shoes weren’t by the door.

     “He’s gone,” Dan breathed. “If he was still here, his ridiculous shoe collection would be, too.”

     Dan walked further into the flat, Phil following as Louise closed the door behind them. Phil noticed the digital piano near the balcony door but said nothing, watching Dan look for the absence of Andrew’s things.

     Phil stopped when he saw Dan go into the bedroom, not feeling it appropriate to follow him in without explicit permission. Before too long, Dan’s head popped out, grinning in relief.

     “He’s gone! All of his stuff is totally gone!”

     “Shall we change the lock, then?” Louise said, clapping her hands together. She paused at the mildly scared looks on their faces. “Thankfully I’ve already done this before; what would you two nerds do without me?”

\--

     “You sure you’ll be alright on your own, love?” Louise asked. “It’s only the first night; what if he comes back and knocks on your door?”

     “I’ll be fine; besides, we changed the lock so he won’t be able to get in if he tries to use his key, and the door is pretty sturdy. Phil is right next door, too.” Dan flashed a thankful smile at him.

     “I’ll give you my number too, so you can call or text me if anything happens,” Phil offered.

     Exchanging numbers, neither of them saw the delighted look cross Louise’s features. She had schooled her expression by the time they looked up again.

     “We’ll have to do lunch or something all together now that the two of you have met! I’ve really got to go now, so I’ll see you again soon, be safe!” She said, hugging them both goodbye.

     “Let us know when you’re home safe,” Phil said.

     “Thanks for coming, Louise,” Dan added.

     “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” She yelled over her shoulder with a cheeky wink, walking into the lift.

     Dan and Phil walked together down the hall, feeling a little awkward. Their Mario Kart competition last night had definitely smoothed the edges of their new friendship, but Louise had been such a great bridge between the two of them today that now they weren’t sure how to go on without her.

     “I have some work to do,” Phil said tentatively. “I’ll see you around?”

     “That’s cool,” Dan rushed to answer. “I’ve got some stuff to do, too.”

     Phil subtly watched to make sure that Dan got into his flat without any trouble as he smiled and waved at Dan. _I’ll probably hear if anything happens, but now that the lock has changed, the only way Andrew could possibly get into Dan’s flat is if he’s Spiderman and climbs onto the balcony._

     He texted Dan anyway, both just to break through that first friendship barrier and also to casually check up on him.

     “ _I think one of my houseplants are dying already?!”_ Phil sent, adding a few plant-related emojis and a crying cat face.

     “ _????? Did you forget to water them?”_ Dan replied quickly.

_“I don’t think so??? But Emerson’s flower is wilting…”_

_“Did you really name a plant Emerson omg”_

_"Yes!!! All of my plants have names ok their personalities just call for it!!! There’s Winston, Emerson, Albert, Alana, Caleb…”_

_"I’m actually rather impressed by the variety of names you’ve got going on there”_

_“The plants just speak to me what can I say”_

_"...Okay there mr. green thumb”_

     Phil replied with 5 grinning cat faces, smiling as he dropped his phone onto his bed so he could practice.

     He held onto that pleasant feeling as he drew the bow over his violin, letting it inspire whatever he was going to play today. His eyes closed, he swayed back and forth as the notes soared high and dipped low, imagining  the notes as rainbows curling around his bow and caressing the walls of his room, drifting across his pillow and phasing right through the walls, filling the sky with bright tails of something no one else would ever be able to see.

     Playing violin felt like storytelling, like explaining something he could probably never express in just words. Phil could sing, and he could speak, but sometimes it felt like there was no space for words, just breathing and movement. Sometimes, when he was in the mood, he’d go and stand outside of his building, or in a park, and just play. He wasn’t busking, he was just playing for his love of it, and he hoped that people passing by could take something from it, too.

     As he got further into it, he didn’t stop himself from humming. Songs sometimes just came to him on a whim if he let himself go; he loved how sometimes he would guide the music and other times it would guide him.

     He finished scribbling down what he had just composed; he idly considered his hand-drawn music notes to be a physical manifestation of the tails he was imagining earlier, the tails that would ride with the clouds and discover new places and new meanings. His messy words at the bottom of the page described the sights and feelings that had inspired him; he liked to add a little segment at the end of each video explaining where an original piece had come from. Tucking his music sheets and violin into their proper places, he stood up and heard his back crack satisfyingly as he stretched his arms up. He grabbed his phone on his way out of his room, thinking about what he was going to make for dinner, but he stopped when he registered the sound of a piano playing and someone singing along. It was louder than all of the times Phil had heard it before, and he’d never heard them sing at the same time. He strode to his balcony and quietly slid the door open; he knew instantly from the voice that it was Dan.

 _...I’ve_  
_Had enough; think you’ve been making me sick,_  
_Gotta get you out of my system, yeah._  
_It’s my house_  
_And I think it’s time to get out._  
_It’s my soul,_  
_It isn’t yours anymore._  
_It’s my house_  
_And I think it’s time to get out.  
Yeah, I think it’s time to get out._

     Phil poked his head out of the door and saw Dan soulfully playing on a digital piano facing outwards to the city. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted up, as if he was trying to cling to the dying sunlight that fell across his face. The soft chords felt like drizzle on a Saturday underneath Dan’s fingers. Phil stepped out of the doorway and onto his own balcony as he saw Dan open his mouth and take a breath, clearly preparing to sing again.

 _Haven’t you heard?_  
_I’m not yours anymore._  
_I’m not yours anymore._

     Dan held the high notes flawlessly and Phil couldn’t believe how sweet yet how sad he sounded. Intently studying Dan’s figure, Phil found himself silently taking a picture on his phone. _Art in motion_ , he absently thought. He bit his lip when he noticed tears making their way down Dan’s face. The next words he sang were in a quivering whisper:

 _It’s my soul,  
_ _And I think it’s time to get out._

     His voice got stronger again, belting out the words and soaring at the end of each line.

 _Haven’t you heard?_  
_I’m not yours anymore  
I’m not yours anymore._

_It’s my house._

     The amount of emotion Dan was pouring into this song was blowing Phil away. Every whisper, every forceful enunciation, the change in mood as he reached certain parts of the song, it all made for an amazing performance that no one was actually meant to be listening to. Dan’s voice dropped back to a normal volume, Phil concluding that the song was almost over.

 _I feel you in these walls,_  
_You’re a cold air creeping in,  
Chill me to my bones and skin._

 _Never thought that I would feel like this._  
_Such a mess when I'm in your presence, I’ve  
Had enough, think you've been making me sick. _

     For the final chorus, Dan sounded heartbroken and determined all at once.

 _It's my house,_  
_And I think it's time to get out._  
_It's my soul._  
_It isn't yours anymore._  
_It's my house,_  
_I think it's time to get out.  
Yeah, I think it's time to get out._

     Dan softly played the rest of the chords that would finish the song, and Phil imagined the notes like footsteps, like Dan walking away, walking forward. Now that Dan’s enthralling performance was ending, Phil almost felt like a voyeur, like he had been watching something he wasn’t supposed to have seen. At the same time, it felt dream-like, as if in an hour Phil would wonder if it really happened at all. Only the picture he had taken on his phone would be proof that the moment ever happened. _But I suppose everything in life is like that?_ He thought. With one last glance at Dan, he slipped back through the door, not wanting Dan to look up and catch him watching. He slid the door mostly closed, leaving a small gap so that he could hear Dan better if he kept playing. _Also the fresh air is nice,_ he told himself, just to have another reason.

     In the privacy of his own flat, Phil sighed out loud, looking at the picture he had taken. It was a little blurry since Dan was moving, but the pained expression on his face was clear enough. Dan as the subject was laid bare emotionally, and it seemed like an inappropriate photo to have, like Phil had been a peeping tom. It was the kind of photo Phil would hate someone posting online if it was himself in it. It was a private moment that Phil was embarrassed to have witnessed, but at the same time he felt blessed to see such unrestrained self-expression.

     He could hear Dan playing a more graceful, composed melody, like walking through a quiet forest in the spring, but he wasn’t singing anymore. _It’s nice cooking while listening to music,_ Phil thought, heading to the kitchen.


	2. St. Patrick

     They went out for dinner with Louise a week later. Dan and Phil never went a day without contact, whether it was a simple text or hanging out in one of their apartments. They never really talked about playing music, but by now Dan knew that Phil was the one playing violin since he had seen him playing on his own balcony a few times.

     “So, Phil, did you ever upload that original song you told me about?” Louise asked, twirling her pasta around her fork.

     “Uh, I haven’t gotten around to recording it; I’m not sure what kind of setting I want for it,” he replied, taking a sip of his drink and blushing, knowing that Dan was listening.  _What if he doesn’t know about YouTube and thinks I’m posting weird things online?_

     Dan’s eyes bounced between the two of them, looking curious.

     “Maybe you could do it outside somewhere to change it up a little? Also, Dan, what happened to that cover you promised me?” Louise prodded. Her eyes sparkled with what could have been mischief, or maybe she was just really enjoying her pasta. Maybe both.

     Dan flinched at suddenly being put on the spot; he could see Phil turn to look at him.

     “I… I’ll get around to it…” He stuttered.

     Louise started laughing at their facial expressions; Phil was making the same curious face that Dan had been making before, and now Dan was blushing and confused with his eyes darting between Phil, his food, and Louise. She could tell that neither of them knew about each other.

     “What’s hilarious to me is that the two of you happened to end up living next to each other when you both happen to be friends with me, and that neither of you ever asked the other why they know me.” Her amusement was evident in her voice. “You’ve only been friends for like, what? A month and a half? And neither of you have mentioned the fact that you both post covers and original songs on YouTube.”

     Dan and Phil both looked at each other, reassessing their view of the other.

     “How were we supposed to know? It’s not like you screamed, ‘YOUTUBE BUDDIES!’ when we all met,” Dan pointed out. “It’s hard to tell which people will think we’re porn stars if we said we made videos of ourselves and posted them online.”

     “It’s totally reasonable that we could’ve just been two friends of yours from unrelated circles; people who have no idea about posting videos to YouTube,” Phil added.

     Louise snorted.

     “You both know that the other can play an instrument, and that you’re friends with me, someone who also posts songs on YouTube. Yeah, you could’ve been two friends from separate circles, but honestly you two have basically the same haircut mirrored, it’s still just too funny.”

     “I mean, she’s right, but also how dare you,” Dan said, addressing Phil first and then looking at Louise as he jokingly hissed the end of his sentence.

     Louise grinned dorkily with her cheeks full of pasta, and Dan choked on his spit as Phil started laughing.

\--

     After Louise had broken the barrier Dan and Phil held between them about making music, they weren’t afraid to say “make a video” instead of “do work”. Sometimes they would bounce ideas off of each other, and if one saw the other playing on his balcony, he’d go out to keep him company. They even developed a little code; when one heard the other playing through the wall, he’d knock on the wall four times just to say hello; of course, this didn’t stop them from sending cheeky texts to each other:

     “ _Nice eagle screech there,"_ Dan had sent once when Phil got distracted by something outside the window.

     “ _The cry of freedom!”_ Phil had responded.

     Another night, Phil texted, “ _Did a cat fall on your piano?!”_

     “ _No, I just thought that sitting on my piano would be the best way to communicate cacophony in this piece,"_ Dan had sassed back.

     “ _Very cacophonous, 10/10,”_ Phil had replied.

\--

     Phil stood on his balcony with his violin in hand, looking up at the sky. He was trying to work out an arrangement for a cover that some people had requested in the comments of his videos. He wasn’t sure yet if he’d sing; it depended on how comfortable he was with the song and how well he could play it. It was fun to keep his viewers on their toes; he purposely never indicated in the titles of his videos if he was singing or not.

     He hummed the words as he played, sometimes stopping and redoing a part. The song felt like someone making you your favourite drink; the gesture is sometimes a matter of hospitality and coincidence when they happen to pick your favourite, but sometimes it’s a purposeful choice and indicates how much they care for you.

     The sound of a sliding door caught his attention, and he turned to look at the sound. Dan came out onto his own balcony, resting his arms on top of the shared half-wall that separated their balconies.

     “Heard you playing out here,” he offered.

     “Just figuring out a cover for my next video," Phil said.

     “Cool, I know the song; I like it,” Dan smiled.

     Phil smiled back at him before starting over. He didn’t notice Dan go back inside after a few minutes, but he did notice when he heard a piano seamlessly joining in with him. He looked to see Dan playing on his own balcony, and Dan looked up at him and grinned, his eyes soft.

     “You know how to play this song?” Phil asked, still playing even though it was a little difficult to do both at the same time.

     “I do now,” Dan replied cheekily. At Phil’s confused look, he elaborated. “I have perfect pitch, so when I watch and hear someone play, I can figure it out. Of course, it’s different when it’s a violin, so it took me a few minutes inside to figure it out before I came back out here. Since I already know the original song, though, it wasn’t too hard.”

     “That’s amazing,” Phil said, looking impressed.

     “It’s rather handy,” Dan said, looking back down at the keys.

     There was a pause, and Dan started to sing. Phil almost missed the next note, but he pulled through just so he could keep hearing Dan.

_I know it's chemicals_  
_(That make me cling to you, cling to you,)_  
_And I need a miracle_  
_(To make me stay with you, stay with you.)_  
_And I'm not spiritual_  
_(But please stay,)_  
_'Cause I think you're a saint,  
And I think you're an angel. _

_I said oh, oh,_  
_You give me something to talk about,_  
_Something to talk about._  
_I said oh, oh, oh,_  
_You give me something to think about  
That’s not the shit in my head._

_You’re a miracle.  
You’re a miracle, a miracle. _

_Transparent hands_  
_Were at my neck, at my neck, at my,_  
_Ooh but I love the way  
You let me breathe instead, breathe instead._

     After hearing Dan sing the chorus the first time and ignore the harmonies of the song so that he could keep singing the next line after it, Phil waited for the next chorus to jump in and cover the harmonies.

_Take in your chemicals_  
_(That make me cling to you, cling to you,)_  
_And I need a miracle_  
_(I gotta stay with you, stay with you.)_  
_And I'm not spiritual_  
_(But please stay,)_  
_'Cause I think you're a glimpse of bliss,  
A little taste of heaven. _

     Phil messed up the words a little bit because he forgot they changed from the first chorus, but his heart jumped a little when he saw Dan look at him wide-eyed as a radiant smile bloomed over his face. (He kept singing, though, to preserve the moment.) His smile made his voice brighter.

     They played through the whole song with minor mistakes. When Dan performed, he had this way of making it seem like he had written the song himself even if he hadn’t; he threw himself into the song like it was the last thing he’d ever do. _And maybe the song does mean something to him_ , Phil thought, free to think once his harmonies were over. _It’s not like I know where he pulls his performances from. The song I saw him playing here that first time was right after the breakup with Andrew, so it doesn’t surprise me that that’s where that came from. But it_ is _still possible that that’s just always how Dan performs, that he’s just an incredible performer._

_I need a miracle_  
_To bring me back to you, back to you._  
_Oh, I know you're gone now,  
But I still wait for you, wait for you._

     Phil drew his bow over his violin in a slow and controlled manner, and Dan crooned the words softly as he gently pressed on the keys of his piano, before the music crescendoed again and they both leapt headfirst into the waves of sound.

_I said ooh, ooh,_  
_You give me something to talk about,_  
_Something to talk about._  
_I said oh, oh,_  
_You give me something to think about  
That's not the shit in my head._

_You're a miracle.  
You're a miracle, a miracle. _

     Dan and Phil both played slowly again, Phil drawing out the notes as Dan touched the keys like a lost lover, his voice sounding small for the last verse.

_I still wait, I still wait for you._  
_Oh, I know you're gone now,  
But I still wait for you, wait for you._

     They tapered off, Phil imagining the notes swaying in the air before dissipating into their surroundings like smoke.

     There was a moment of silence, perhaps in respect to the intimacy in playing a song together, or maybe just to shake themselves out of the performance headspace. Either way, it made Phil feel like he had witnessed something truly beautiful, that made his shoulders and the back of his neck prickle with a feeling he couldn’t quite pin down. His heart was beating wildly in his chest even though the song had ended so quietly. He turned to look at Dan and wondered if he looked the same as him, with his eyes sparkling and his cheeks a little flushed.

     Phil smiled widely, peacefully.

     “We should play more songs together,” he said.

     “We should do a collab,” Dan suggested. “Whatever we do, you should definitely have a bigger singing part in it.”

     Phil blushed; Dan wasn’t the first person to compliment him on his singing, but it felt like he was with the way Phil’s heart flipped over in his chest. “Sure, but your singing voice is nothing to sneeze at.”

     Dan laughed, a sweet sound that rang through the open air. “Are you like 70 years old? I can’t believe you just used that phrase.”

     “Rude.” Phil stuck his tongue out at Dan. “I’ll use whatever phrase I like,” he continued loftily, turning his nose up.

     Dan snorted.

     “Whatever you say, Your Majesty. But seriously, let’s do a surprise collab; nobody has any idea that we know each other except for Louise.” They had never really ended up mentioning each other to their subscribers, for no particular reason.

     “It’ll be fun to spring it on them suddenly.” Phil grinned. “Are you busy right now? We could plan it out.”

     "Nope, I’m free; let’s do it.”

\--

     “Should we do this in my flat or your flat?” Phil asked.

     “I kind of like the idea of us standing on our own balconies and playing together like we usually do…” Dan tilted his head in thought. “But how we could film it to show that we’re right next to each other…?”

     “If you move your piano against the wall dividing our balconies, and I stand on the other side facing you, we could have the camera shoot from behind one of us and switch angles?”

     “Okay, that works…” Dan’s voice trailed off as he suddenly smiled devilishly. “Hey, I wonder if Louise is up for some camerawork?”

\--

     “Exciting new video coming soon!” Phil tweeted, putting music notes and grinning emojis.

     He turned to look at Dan, who was typing, “trying something new in this next video, maybe I won’t procrastinate this time but no promises soz”.

     “I wonder if people will make the connection,” Phil said out loud.

     “I mean, there have to be people who watch both of our videos,” Dan replied. “If they know you’ve moved to London recently and that I’ve been here for a while, they might have started hoping, especially since they’ve probably seen that we followed each other on Twitter.”

     “That’s true. I’m sure they’ll love it whether they expected it or not, since we’re both doing something different from the typical videos we make.”

\--

     “So… That tweet from the first time you heard Andrew and I arguing…,” Dan suddenly mentioned.

     “Were you creeping my tweets?” Phil teased even though he was feeling uncomfortably exposed.

     “I mean yeah, that’s what friends do, right? Got to know what I’m dealing with here, not that I don’t already know you anyway. But hey, wow, what an awkward time that was back then…” Dan laughed awkwardly, not really sure why he brought it up in the first place.

     Phil smiled kindly through his discomfort, seeing Dan fidgeting a little.

     “I’m glad things are better now for you.”

     Dan gave him a tentative smile back, meeting his eyes before looking away.

     “Did I ever say thanks for that, though? Because thanks.”

     “You don’t have to thank me; I’m glad that we got to meet because of it, even though it was a bad situation for you.”


	3. You and I

     Perilously close to three cups of coffee, the storyboards were sprawled out on the table, rough stick figures and poor imitations of objects drawn all over. The handwriting on the pages wasn’t much better, especially with the graphite smudges. (“Being left-handed is a struggle, okay!” Dan had pouted.)

     Phil nibbled at the end of the pencil in his hand as he looked at Louise’s face. She was intently scanning the storyboards just to get a good idea of what Dan and Phil were planning so that she could help them bring their vision to life.

     “This is so artsy,” Louise said, sounding impressed. “I’m here for it, even though you two are taking advantage of my good nature.”

     Dan snorted and Louise playfully elbowed him.

     “It shouldn’t be too hard, the biggest issue is probably making sure we get in all the shots during the right times of day, but I’m fairly certain we can do it all at once,” she continued.

     “I mean, even if we don’t, it’s not like it’d be such a struggle to do it the next day,” Dan added.

     “Okay, is everything ready?” Phil asked.

     They got up and lined everything up the way they envisioned the first shot. As they’d talked about before, Dan’s piano was up against the half-wall separating his and Phil’s balconies. Phil would stand facing him, and they wouldn’t look at each other, while Louise would film either from over one man’s shoulder, or get close-ups of their instruments. They first paused so Louise could get a sweeping shot of the city over the balcony, and she tilted the camera up to get a clip of the sun, letting the lens flare travel from one end of the frame to the other.

     “Ready?” She asked, finger hovering over the play button.

     The two of them nodded, immersing themselves in the headspace to play. They would still perform to their fullest ability even though the track they had recorded would be playing as a guide, since they wanted to get the full emotion of the performance across in the video.

     Dan started off, slowly and delicately pressing the notes, and before too long, Phil jumped in. Phil briefly thought of him and Dan as extensions of their instruments, their bodies expressing the synchronicity of the notes they were playing. It was an oddly backwards thought, since people normally considered their instruments to be an extension of themselves, but the sounds from the violin and piano wrapped themselves around each other in such an intimate way, paying no heed to physical barriers.

     Since Dan’s electric piano wasn’t portable in the sense that it needed a power outlet, they decided that they could just film Dan’s solo shots around their building; it wasn’t exactly easy to move the piano around, but they really wanted to have a more dynamic video for this instead of their typical ones where there were minimal jump cuts or scene changes.  Phil could play in more public areas, like the park he often frequented to play casually, so after getting a few good shots in of Phil and some of the both of them playing face-to-face, Louise concentrated on filming a lot of different angles of Dan, even doing a side profile with the city in the background.

     “The different locations of our solo shots really add to the song, anyway,” Dan had said.

     Louise paused the track as the two gracefully trailed off; they hadn’t finished the song, but they had gone through the parts in this setting that they wanted to be in the final cut.

     Their next shot was in Dan’s flat, where Phil watched as Louise got different angles of Dan playing the piano. They redid the same shot a few times just so Louise could figure out what looked the best, and so they could have more options when editing the final product together.

     The last location for Dan’s solo shots was in the lobby of their building. Dan blushed at the attention they got hauling a piano into the lift and then pushing it into the lobby, but since it was the middle of the day at least not many people were around to gawk. The lighting was darker in here, but the chandelier above Dan’s piano refracted rainbows onto the keys and his cheeks, even briefly making his tongue multicoloured as he sang. Louise zoomed in on the rainbows on top of the piano, then the ones dancing over and between Dan’s fingers as he played, and then aimed up at the dazzling chandelier that was creating them.

     They didn’t stay too long here since Dan was a little uncomfortable performing like this in public; they managed to capture the necessary clips and were finished much faster than when they had done the shots in Dan’s flat.

     Phil’s shots required a little bit of travel, so after hauling Dan’s piano back upstairs to his flat, Phil went to get his violin case. The first shot was in an alley; the sun was blocked by the buildings so it looked rather gloomy. Phil stood in the centre while Dan and Louise stood far back at the entrance of the alley; Louise was getting a full body shot this time, and as Phil swayed back and forth, behind his closed eyelids he imagined the ebb and flow of the ocean, of leaving and coming back and leaving and coming back, never staying still in one place. Dan’s voice floated softly through the air to keep him on track, reminding him of fish gliding through the water.

     Then they were in a park, Phil standing under a massive tree. A few people waved and smiled at him, recognizing him from all the times he’d been there before. Dan watched curiously as these strangers interacted with him; he’d never seen Phil quite like this.

     As Phil started to play and sing his verse, Dan was keenly aware of people stopping to stare and listen. Their faces were open, even tinged with recognition as they gazed at Phil. Louise recorded the sunlight filtering in through the leaves, another close-up of Phil’s violin, and the open sky.

     When Phil stopped, the small crowd clapped, some cheering for him by name. He smiled brightly at them, waving with the hand holding his bow. Louise came closer to replay the shots for him, and Dan peered over her shoulder so that he could see them, too.

     “We should definitely have a sunset shot at the end,” Dan mentioned when they had finished reviewing the footage; the thought had occurred to him while Phil was performing, and obviously he hadn’t wanted to interrupt.

     Phil looked at him, considering for a second, before nodding.

     “I don’t know how we didn’t think of that before,” he said.

     "For the last chorus, we can go back to the starting shot but with the sun setting, and then the very last shot of the video could be the sunset itself.”

     Louise nodded, shutting the camera off and putting it away before placing a hand each on their backs.

     “Let’s go get some food, first; we still have time until the sun sets, anyway,” she suggested.

     Phil took the violin case back from Dan, carefully resting his violin inside and making sure he closed the snaps securely. Dan observed the way he gently handled his instrument and the case, his slender fingers such an intense contrast against the dark colours. The few stickers that decorated it were vibrant splashes of personality shining through. Dan remembered Phil telling him, “Even though I put lots of stickers on everything, I try to keep it to only a few on my case; it doesn’t feel right to cover it like I did to my laptop.”

     Phil stood up, case in hand, looking at Dan expectantly with a pleasant smile. Dan smiled back, and as Phil turned to walk towards Louise, Dan’s eyes were drawn back to Phil’s pale knuckles, the limber fingers that almost held the handle like a lover... _Okay, that was too dramatic_ , he thought, snorting quietly to himself as he caught up.

\--

     Back on their balconies in the same positions as when they first started, the orange glow of the sunset made everything seem both full of life and inanimate at the same time. Phil imagined sparks flying off his violin at each kiss of the bow, crackling with an odd kind of softness as they fizzled out. Dan’s eyes were fox-like in the light, and it felt like both movement and sound were muted under the weight of the sinking sun.

     Phil tilted his head from side to side to make himself focus, clenching and unclenching his fingers to stretch them. Louise was setting up Phil’s camera to get a timelapse of the sunset; she had Dan’s camera waiting for her to record the shots of Dan and Phil performing.

     “You ready?” Dan asked, smiling at Phil. His voice sounded different, but Phil figured it was the lingering dreamlike atmosphere that had distracted him just moments before.

     “Yep.” Phil rested his violin against his shoulder.

     “Okay. 3, 2, 1,” Louise counted down before hitting play.

     In the camera viewfinder, the fiery light made it seem as though Dan and Phil were playing within an alternate universe: a strange world between greetings and goodbyes, just like the song.

     They sang, never making eye contact or acknowledging the other person. Both Dan and Phil had received requests to cover songs like this, and it wasn’t unusual for them to perform them. They thought it’d be interesting and fresh for all their viewers combined to experience a music video made by the two of them, a mix of both of their artistic sense and musical ability. It was hard to do something like that on your own, but with the two of them, they could split the shots so it wasn’t just a bunch of solo shots one after the other. That’s what they told Louise, anyway. She hadn’t expected that it’d end up looking so artistic and full of feeling. She pondered a little about what that meant for Dan and Phil, but she didn’t want to push too much since it seemed somewhat new and tentative.

     The harmony of their voices together, singing the last chorus, was intense paired with the dramatic light. When they trailed off, the silence seemed overly loud for a moment before all of the ambient noise kicked in and almost seemed to roar. The honking cars and other sounds of the living seemed out of place after stepping into that timeless world where nothing existed except for the music.

     Dan and Phil looked at each other then, grinning uncontrollably and breathing a little hard. They hadn’t even performed the whole song at once just then, but it was the end of a long shoot that required a lot of movement and emotion. Louise put the camera down and clapped, the staccato sounds throwing themselves into the air and merging with all of the other sounds of London around them.

     “I can’t wait to see the final product!” She enthused. “I’m sure it’s going to look amazing, especially with your lovely videographer.” She punctuated this with a cheeky wink.

     “Thanks for helping us, Louise,” Phil said.

     “I’m not sure how we would’ve been able to survive the outside world without you,” Dan joked.

     “You know that I’ve got your backs, no matter what,” she said. “I only expect a timeless friendship and my name in the credits in return!”

     They all laughed together. _It sort of feels like being in a sitcom, and this is the end of an episode, where all the characters laugh in relief after some intense conflict, and as they laugh, the shot fades out and their laughter still echoes before,“The end,” crosses the black screen,_ Phil thought, suddenly introspective as his eyes studied the faces of his two friends. _Music isn’t always a conflict, though; sometimes it’s the catalyst._

\--

     Editing a video with another person was an experience that Phil hadn’t had since university. Dan was biting his lip as he studied the fade between shots, thinking out loud.

     “Maybe it should fade two seconds earlier…”

     “I think it looks fine,” Phil said, not seeing a difference.

     “Or maybe we can recolour this clip…”

     “Hey, don’t worry too much about it; we wanted the natural colours to really come through, right? It’s not about how it looks, it’s about the story we’re telling.”

     Dan sighed.

     “You’re right; it’s just hard to not be a perfectionist about this, you know?”

     “Do you want me to do it?”

     “But that’s not fair to you, like this is a collab between the two of us…”

     “Yeah, but if it’s stressing you out more than you’re excited for it, then it’s okay to let me edit it. It’s going on my channel, anyway, so technically if you think about it, I should be the one editing it.”

     Dan leaned back, taking his hand off the mouse.

     “Alright, alright. I’ll make coffee and order Indian food then.”

     “Sounds good,” Phil said, poking Dan in the shoulder before turning to the monitor. “Make sure you get extra naan.”

     “Of course; who do you think I am?”

\--

     “Are you ready?”

     “Of course not, but just do it,” Dan said, holding his phone in one hand and gripping the armrest of his chair in the other.

     Phil made the video public, and pressed send on the tweet he had written before: “New video with @danisnotonfire!! We did something we’ve never done before: a music video cover collab!!”

     Dan pressed send on the tweet he had on his phone, reading, “omg a rare collab has been spotted!1!11! @AmazingPhil and I made a music video for our cover of You and I - PVRIS”.

     They sat there giggling at the hell they had unleashed; their mentions were flooding with variations of, “OMG THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!” and so many emojis.

     “I bet the gifs on Tumblr will look incredible,” Dan said, switching to Tumblr and watching the notes on the post go up.

     “The colours might look even better in them than in the actual video,” Phil said, poking fun at the way Dan’s perfectionism had reared its head earlier.

     Dan snorted, shoving Phil lightly, who squawked indignantly. He took the mouse and clicked on the video link from Phil’s tweet. Phil looked at him questioningly.

     “Need to see it how the viewers see it, after all.”

\--

     The video opened with a closeup on Dan’s fingers playing the opening chords. When Phil started playing, the shot changed to a clip from Phil’s balcony, angled to show Phil’s back and some of his face, and Dan over the half-wall.

     When Dan began to sing, the scene faded to a side profile of him, with London in the background.

_I know it's warmer where you are,_  
_And it's safer by your side._  
_But right now I can't be what you want,  
Just give it time._

     Dan and Phil started to sing in unison, so the solo shot of Dan faded into a shot from Dan’s balcony this time, where you could see Dan’s back, and Phil’s front over the half-wall.

_And if you and I_  
_Can make it through the night,_  
_And if you and I  
Can keep our love alive, we'll find_

     The camera turned to the city, seamlessly fading into a separate clip of the city, panning slowly.

_We can meet in the middle,_  
_Bodies and souls collide,_  
_Dance in the moonlight_  
_When all the stars align  
For you and I, for you and I, oh._

     The chorus ended with a clip of the sun filtering in through a tree’s leaves, taken in the park. Phil started singing the second verse, and the video changed to varying angles of Phil playing under the tree in the park.

_I know it’s cold when we’re apart,_  
_And I hate to feel this die._  
_But you can’t give me what I want.  
Just give it time. _

     For the second chorus, they were back on their balconies, but there were closeups of both instruments in between different angles from either balcony.

_And if you and I_  
_Can make it through the night,_  
_And if you and I  
Can keep our love alive, we'll find_

_We can meet in the middle,_  
_Bodies and souls collide,_  
_Dance in the moonlight_  
_When all the stars align  
For you and I, for you and I, oh._

     In the interlude, there was a shot of the chandelier in the lobby, a closeup of the rainbows that had refracted onto Dan’s piano, and the shot where the lens flare caused by the sun traveled from one end of the frame to the other.

     When the bridge began, the scene changed to Dan playing in the lobby of their building as he softly sang, zooming into his fingers covered in rainbows and then focusing on his side profile.

_But for now we stay so far_  
_Till our lonely limbs collide._  
_I can’t keep you in these arms  
So I keep you in my mind._

     The video changed to Phil performing in the alley now, as he repeated the same lines Dan had just sung.

_But for now we stay so far_  
_Till our lonely limbs collide._  
_I can’t keep you in these arms  
So I keep you in my mind._

     When Phil had finished singing, he let his arms drop to his sides as he looked at the ground. They had put in a glitch effect so Phil suddenly disappeared from the alley as he was singing the second half of the next line:

_Reaching out, can’t feel you now._

     The camera panned up and seamlessly transitioned from the empty alley into Dan playing alone in his flat, the black piano against the white walls evoking the same desolate feel of Phil’s alley scene. Dan repeated the same words, looking up at the ceiling and looking miserable.

_Reaching out, can’t feel you now._

     The scene went staticky, fading into the clip of the two on their balconies with the sun setting.

_Can we meet in the middle?_  
_Bodies and souls collide,_  
_Dance in the moonlight_  
_When all the stars align  
For you and I, for you and I._

     There was another interlude that they stretched out longer than in the original song, and there were flashes of various shots that didn’t feature Dan and Phil in them: a trail at the park, a wall of the alley, the sky, the door of their building, a street, the view of Phil’s flat from the closed balcony door, Dan’s piano keys, and Phil’s empty violin case.

     For the final lines of the song, they were performing on their balconies again, the setting sun stretching fingers of fire around them.

_Reaching out, can’t feel you now._  
_Reaching out, can’t feel you now._

     The camera zoomed into the sunset past Dan and Phil, fading into the timelapse of the setting sun. The sky went dark and the shot faded to black as the ending chords of the song were played. After a pause, the credits rolled; simple white text to acknowledge the creators of the song, both Dan and Phil’s channels, and then a cheeky “Videography - Louise Pentland” to finish.

     Dan and Phil looked at each other, eyes wide.

     “I know we watched the final product when we finished editing it, but now that it’s on YouTube it seems like a much bigger thing,” Dan said, in awe.

     “Everything looks so much more dramatic and important,” Phil replied, looking back at the screen.

     They scrolled through some of the comments and tweets, favouriting and replying to them on Phil’s accounts. A lot of them were written in all caps, recounting their favourite parts or screaming about how great it was that Dan and Phil made a video together, that they knew each other, that they were friends. A couple of comments inevitably exclaimed that it was a change that they didn’t like, but most were thrilled about the stylistic choices they had made in the video. Naturally, some viewers had already known this was happening since they’d seen when Dan and Phil had followed each other on Twitter. Phil noticed a few tweets between subscribers noting how their flats must be right next to each other if they’re playing on adjoined balconies, unless they had gotten permission from whoever lived in the flat, which was unlikely. ( _They really don’t miss a thing, do they,_ he thought to himself.) Some people were saying how well they fit together musically, while others said how well they fit together as people.

     “...We should definitely do these kinds of videos more often,” Phil said, his cheeks slightly pink as he looked at Dan meaningfully.

     Dan smiled back warmly, almost shy.

     “I’d really like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for You and I, I was imagining a combination of the original version, the stripped version, and a violin cover I found on YouTube lol.
> 
> I'm writing an epilogue!!!!!!!!!


	4. Let Them In

     Leaning against the wall, Phil studied the curve of Dan’s back as he played the piano. Being here with Dan in his flat made his heart beat a little faster. He gazed around the space, his eyes falling on the cactus sitting proudly on Dan’s counter. The little pot was black because Phil knew it would mollify Dan somewhat, as the bright orange flower was a pop of colour amidst Dan’s monochrome colour scheme. (“Why did you get orange?” Dan half-heartedly complained. “Because you’re kind of like sunshine,” Phil said unabashedly. The feeling in his chest matched the warmth he felt in his cheeks when he saw Dan blush and smile softly.)

     Dan was singing softly under his breath, meaning he was either figuring out an original song or he was playing a song he knew so well he wasn’t consciously making a decision to sing. Phil didn’t want to distract him, but he couldn’t help but take another sneaky picture. There were several in Phil’s camera roll now; Dan had accidentally seen the first one he had taken that first time he had ever seen Dan play, and Dan had blushed furiously as he handed the phone back to Phil.

     “You could at least tell me if you’re going to take a picture of me,” was all he had said.

     “But you look better when you’re unrestrained like that, when you’re not posing,” Phil had explained.

     Dan had made an incoherent noise, somehow managing to blush even more before covering his face, a muffled “oh stop, you,” coming through, and it felt like Phil’s heart was in freefall.

     Phil studied the picture he just took; Dan’s eyes were either closed or looking down at the keys, and he had such a peaceful expression on his face, like there was nowhere else he’d rather be. _I’ll share it on Twitter later maybe, so that the mention won’t distract Dan when his phone notifies him_.

\--

     The first time Dan saw Phil wearing glasses, he swore that he simultaneously lost two years off his life and gained four more. Phil had opened the door wearing soft pajama pants and a well-worn hoodie; Dan had a warm and soft feeling, seeing Phil comfortable like that, but he had a completely different feeling about the black frames contrasting beautifully against Phil’s pale skin, making his eyes pop. He could only stare dumbly, not even noticing Phil’s pink cheeks as he noticed Dan was staring.

     “Dan? Hello?”

     Dan realized that Phil had leaned closer in concern, and he stumbled over his words, trying to pretend that neither of them could tell how intensely he was blushing.

     “H-Hey, Phil, what’s the weather?”

     There was a silence before Dan put his face into his hands and let out a strangled yell, while Phil giggled, tongue poking out.

     “I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to say ‘what’s up’ or ‘how’s the weather’, please just put me out of my misery,” he whined as Phil stepped aside to let him in.

     “I mean, you still asked a valid question; to answer it, it’s rather nice outside.”

     Dan could only sigh in response, still mortified but glad Phil went along with it. _What does it mean when you’re painfully awkward to someone and they don’t even make fun of you for it, and you don’t feel as stupid as you normally would?_

\--

     “Hey, can I post this picture of you on Twitter?” Phil asked suddenly, looking up from his phone towards Dan sitting on the other side of the table.

     Dan reached out for the phone, studying the picture.

     “When did you take this?”

     “That day when I was watching you play piano in your flat.”

     “...Which time?”

     “...Right. Just check the date on the photo? But does it really matter that much?”

     “No, not really, but just curious. You’re super sneaky at taking these photos; I should start taking some of you!”

     “I guess that’s only fair,” Phil replied, but wondered if Dan would take them for the same reasons Phil took them.

     “Anyway, sure, post it, but tell me what the caption is first.” Dan gave the phone back with a cheeky grin. He picked up his cup and took a sip.

     “Hmm…” Phil looked out the window thoughtfully, condensation blocking parts of it. He watched people walk by on the street below the cafe they were in, swathed in thick scarves and coats. There was a silence before he laughed to himself, tapping his phone screen.

     Dan watched the way the blue light from the phone screen accentuated the high points of Phil’s face and reflected in his eyes. _How otherworldly_ , Dan thought. _He manages to look so ethereal even when he’s laughing to himself like an idiot about --_

     Phil grinned, apparently pleased with himself, as he handed the phone back to Dan, disrupting his poetic thoughts about Phil.

     “‘@danisnotonfire in the tone zone’?! Are you shitting me?! Are you actually serious right now? Oh my God, Phil, what kind of…?? What?!” Dan sputtered, putting the phone down to rest his head in his hands. He couldn’t stop the smile that grew ever wider before he started laughing.

     Phil laughed too, his tongue poking out. _It’s really cute how he pulls his sleeves over his hands like that,_ Phil thought.

     “I’m really proud of it, okay? It rhymes and everything!”

     “I hate it!” Dan yelled through his laughter. “It’s such a bad joke!”

     Phil leaned forward to take the phone back before Dan could change it.

     “I’m posting it!”

     “I can’t even believe you right now,” Dan said, flushed from laughing so hard. “I literally cannot believe you, I hate you so much.”

     Phil smiled brightly before tapping the screen to send the tweet. “You do not hate me, you love me,” he said teasingly in a singsong tone.

     “That’s going to be on the Internet forever,” Dan whined, blushing from what Phil said. _I think I really do_ , he thought.

     “Yep!” Phil chirped happily, his eyes sparkling.

_This is the man I’m falling for, dumb jokes and all._

\--

     Dan was gingerly striding through the lobby, cringing at the gross squelching his shoes made. His hair was wildly curly and matted to his forehead from the sudden downpour that caught him as he left home. “ _I hate my life_ ,” he texted to Phil, needing to vent about his bad luck. “ _It’s a wonder my phone even survived this harrowing journey.”_

 _“?????”_ Phil replied not even a minute later.

_“I literally just turned the corner when it started fucking pouring so I came running back home but it was raining so hard and now I’m just an angry hobbit :(“_

     Dan was trying not to drip all over the lift when Phil replied again.

_“That sucks :( this is why we should never go outside lol”_

_“Honestly like I was just gonna go get some milk but guess that’s not happening… I just wanted hot chocolate, I didn’t deserve this!!!!!!!!”_

_“You can come over if you want? I have milk lol you could’ve just asked me if you desperately needed some”_

_“I mean I didn’t think mother nature would just assault me like that so it wasn’t a big deal at the time, but now after that experience I really do need some hot chocolate… I’ll be over in like 10?”_

_“See you then,”_ Phil responded with a grinning cat emoji.

     Dan struggled out of his drenched clothes, scrunching his nose at the feeling of the wet fabric peeling off his skin. He took a quick shower just to warm himself up, and deliberated between wearing his Totoro onesie over to Phil’s or wearing normal clothes like a functioning human being.

 _“Totoro onesie or normal people clothes?”_ Dan texted Phil.

_“Totoro onesie obviously”_

_“Tru”_

     He sighed in gratification at the warm comfort of the onesie, shamelessly rubbing his chest to appreciate the softness of the fleece. He poked around for a bag of crisps to bring over to Phil’s before heading over.

     Phil answered the door quickly.

     “Hey, I brought crisps,” Dan said, holding up the bag.

     Dan saw Phil’s eyes sweep down his body, probably staring at the onesie. He blushed a little when he saw Phil’s eyes widen.

     “Do you like what you see?” Dan teased, putting his hands on his hips and posing like a model, even as he blushed. “It’s the new style sweeping the nation; tall, awkward nerds in onesies.”

     Phil laughed. “I do,” he boldly said. “It’s a very cute look.”

     Dan’s face went redder but he grinned as he mumbled, “Oh my God, stop,” and Phil swatted at one of the ears of the onesie before moving aside. “I started heating up milk already, let’s have a feast worthy of kings! Crisps and hot chocolate.”

     “No better feast for lazy arses like us,” Dan said, relaxing into a more casual smile but still blushing. He walked past Phil towards the kitchen as Phil locked the door. Moving to follow, Phil paused to appreciate Dan’s broad back and shoulders as he padded away, the little tail on his onesie bobbing up and down as he went. _He looks so soft and ready to cuddle; I just want to hold him all night_.

     They sat close together on the couch, Dan’s warmth radiating through Phil’s side wherever they were touching. Dan let out an exaggerated moan that made Phil think of impolite things.

     “Your hot chocolate is the best, I want to keep you forever so you’ll make it for me all the time,” Dan said, sighing in satisfaction.

     Phil looked at him and watched his eyes flick open in realization of what he just said, and spoke before Dan could take it back.

     “Then keep me forever,” he said seriously before taking a lighter tone. “But I’m not making it all the time because consuming that much chocolate is definitely bad for you.”

     Dan looked back at him, eyes wide before his lips turned up in a gentle smile. He put his mug down on the table so he could lean against Phil, shuffling down so that he could rest his head on Phil’s shoulder and slip a careful arm around his waist.

     “I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me,” Dan whispered, hiding his eyes under the onesie hood.

     Phil put his own arm around Dan, pulling him closer so that Dan’s head was now in the crook of his neck. _I hope you’re ready for forever,_ Phil thought, turning to press a gentle kiss into the soft fleece over Dan's head.

\--

     Dan was lying on the floor of his flat and the silence was an assault to his ears. It was dark outside but he was barely aware of it. Everything was fuzzy; he didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to move, time wasn’t real and at the moment he wasn’t sure if he was, either.

_What if this is too fast, what if this isn’t what I think it is, what if Phil isn’t telling me something and this was all a mistake, we’re not even real, time isn’t real, what am I doing with myself, am I even good at YouTube or do people just watch me because I’m a white guy with an English accent and emo hair, or do they watch me because I’m just a fantasy, do I even exist to them, do I even exist to myself, what if Phil doesn’t even like me and this is all a lie, what if he doesn’t really love me, what if this is too fast, what if it’s too fast for this to be love, what if we don’t even love each other, what if I think I love him and I really don’t, I am so scared, what is happening, am I the person I think I am or am I somebody else, do I really know myself, can we ever really know anything, we’re just hurtling towards an inevitable end faster than we can even comprehend, everything is so fragile, we’re so fragile, what if I fuck it all up and he leaves?_

     His phone started buzzing violently in his front pocket, made even more pronounced from being pressed up against the floor. He jolted, startled out of his ruminations, and slowly half-rolled to one side so he could reach his phone. It sort of felt like moving through molasses but he answered in time.

     “Hello?” He rested his cheek on the carpet again, distorting his voice a little.

     “Dan? You home?”

     “Yeah, what’s the matter?” He slurred a little.

     “...Are you okay? You sound a little weird.”

     “No, I’m fine.” Dan tried to pull himself together and act a little brighter but it was so hard. _I’m still lying on the floor, for fuck’s sake_ …

     “You sure? You were supposed to text me a while ago… I texted you a few times and you never answered. Is it okay if I come over? It’s okay if you say no.”

     Dan would be touched by Phil’s concern and gentleness if he had the emotional energy to, but at the moment he really didn’t.

     “You can come if you want,” Dan mumbled, not wanting to interact but not wanting to push Phil away. _I don’t want him to give up on me_ , he thought.

     “Okay… I’ll be over soon.”

     “Okay, see you.”

     Dan sighed heavily, letting his phone drop from his hand. The effort required to get up seemed monumental but he had committed to letting Phil come over. _I have to open the door for him so he won’t get mad at me and leave me._

     Dan knew his logic was flawed and he doesn’t normally think this way (probably?) but today he just couldn’t stop thinking about possibilities and the things he can’t control. _There are infinite possibilities available in this existence… Just, what if? What if?_

     It seemed like seconds later that he heard Phil at his door, and as he slowly dragged himself up, he glanced at the clock. It had really been 15 minutes.

     Dan felt like he was wading in waist-deep water, and the front door had never felt so far. He tried to hurry up, though the thought of water sinking into his clothes remained. _What if Phil gets tired of waiting at the door and thinks I stood him up? What if he leaves and then never speaks to me again?_

     Phil had knocked again by the time Dan had gotten to the door, and he didn’t want Phil to wait any longer so he didn’t have time to collect himself before he opened it.

     “Hey,” Phil said, studying Dan’s downcast eyes and pale skin. “What’s the matter?”

     Dan tried to smile but it didn’t come out right.

     “I’m just tired,” he said.

     Phil guided him out of the way so Phil could come in and shut and lock the door behind him, then hugged him. Dan didn’t even know he was cold until he felt the warmth of Phil’s body settle into his skin. He rested his hands softly on Phil’s lower back, cherishing the feeling even though it was noticeably muted. Dan rubbed his cheek a little on Phil’s shirt, inhaling the scent of his fruity body wash.

     “What’s the matter?” Phil asked softly, his breath heating the shoulder his chin was lightly resting on.

     “Nothing feels right today.” Even if he’d had the words to describe it, he was too scared to explain it.

     Phil rubbed his back.

     “Do you want to talk about it?”

     “I don’t really know where to begin,” Dan mumbled.

     “That’s okay. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. Do you want to lay down?”

     “Okay, but come with me?”

     “Of course.”

     They cuddled under Dan’s duvet, Phil holding Dan close so his head was tucked underneath Phil’s chin. He kept rubbing Dan’s back, grounding him and preventing him from spiralling again.

     “Do you want to talk about anything?” Phil asked gently.

     Dan sighed, trying to get his thoughts together. He wanted to tell him, but he also didn’t because he was scared of what Phil would think, but he was scared either way.

     “I’m just having an existential crisis,” he said, tightening his grip around Phil as if he could protect Dan from himself.

     Phil hummed to acknowledge that he heard Dan.

     “What brought it on?”

     “Just…” Dan hesitated. _I don’t want to not explain but I don’t want to explain either, what if Phil thinks it’s stupid or what if it doesn’t come out right and he thinks I don’t want him --_

     Phil’s hand that was rubbing Dan’s back stopped and moved to tap him lightly on the back of his head before continuing the comforting circular motion.

     “I can almost hear you thinking; it’s not a big deal if you don’t know what to say or don’t want to say anything. You can figure it out as you speak, if you want to talk about it at all. You don’t have to say anything at all, but I think it might help.”

     Dan inhaled deeply before sighing, trying to gather his thoughts as well as his nerve.

     “I’m just… scared of things?” He tried.

     Phil made an encouraging noise.

     “It’s like… The impermanence of all things really gets to me sometimes, and today I was just thinking about how… It almost seems like I turned around and suddenly we’re in a totally new month and everything is different. Even though I lived through all this time, it feels like I’ve just suddenly skipped a whole month or something and just woke up here? And I just have this feeling that maybe things have escalated too quickly or like… I don’t know,” Dan finished in a rush, suddenly embarrassed.

     “I guess that’s kind of related to how with every year we age, each year becomes a smaller and smaller part of our lives? Like when you’re 4 years old, a year is a quarter of your life, but when you’re 16, it’s a sixteenth of your life.” Phil paused, maybe to interpret the last part of Dan’s explanation. “Do you think that we’ve gone too fast? It feels right to me, even though a lot of people will think that we’ve rushed into it.”

     Dan shook his head, his forehead rubbing against Phil’s shirt.

     “I don’t, but like these kinds of days just make me analyze everything down to the smallest detail and I start freaking out.”

     “That’s fair. Is there anything I can do to help?”

     “No, this is good already.” Dan’s breath was warming up Phil’s shirt, and it felt nice on his cheek.

     “We can just nap here, or do you want to watch something? Even just for background noise?”

     “I’m sorry, you must be so bored… It’s okay, you can do whatever you want,” Dan rushed to reassure him. “I’ll just lie next to you, you can watch something if you want.”

     “Hey, no, don’t worry about it, I’m always down for co-napping,” Phil said, shuffling around and tilting Dan’s face up to kiss his nose. “I’m happy to do anything if it’s with you.”

     Dan smiled wide, cuddling as close as possible to Phil and holding him tight.

     “I love you,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s shirt, his voice muffled.

     Phil felt like his heart skipped a beat or three. It was the first time Dan had ever said it; Phil had said it before but Dan was always hesitant, afraid of the gravity behind the words and what it meant. (“I’m scared that I don’t know what love really is. It feels like a promise and I want it to really be one when I say it,” Dan had originally explained. “That’s okay, you don’t have to say it back until you know that it’s true,” Phil had responded, kissing him lightly on the cheek.)

     “I love you, too.” He pressed another kiss to the top of Dan’s head. _I love you so much already._

\--

     The next morning, Dan rolled over to see Phil’s back. _I want to wake up to him in bed all the time_ , he thought to himself. He threw an arm over Phil and cuddled close to him; they had moved apart sometime during the night. Dan was pleased when Phil mumbled incoherently and put his arm over Dan’s so he was holding the back of Dan’s hand. It warmed Dan’s heart to think that even deeply asleep, Phil still knew it was Dan and wanted to hold him.

     He laid there, his forehead and the tip of his nose lightly pressed against Phil’s back; they had fallen asleep sometime after Phil helped Dan through the worst of his crisis, so the both of them were still fully clothed. _Thank God I was wearing pyjama pants, otherwise I think my legs would have completely lost circulation by now._

     An idea for a music video had been rattling around in Dan’s mind for a little while, but now he finally had some solid ideas to go on after yesterday. He lightly scratched Phil’s stomach, Phil’s hand still resting over top of his. He pressed kisses to Phil’s spine, edging up to the back of his neck and letting his warm breath ghost over his bare skin. The little shiver that went through Phil made Dan snicker, and he poked more at Phil’s stomach.

     “Phil,” he whined quietly, pushing against Phil’s back. “Phil, time to wake up.”

     Phil groaned and shifted, pulling Dan with him before settling back into place, nestling his head deeper into his pillow.

     “Phil,” Dan needled. “Come on!”

     “What time is it?”

     Dan loved the way Phil sounded after he’d just woken up.

     “It’s time to get up!”

     Phil groaned again, rolling over and grabbing Dan without opening his eyes. He cuddled Dan into his chest, tucking Dan’s head under his chin in the hope that Dan would let him sleep some more. He pet Dan’s hair, making shushing noises.

     “Let me sleep,” Phil whined back.

     Dan pouted dramatically into Phil’s shirt.

     “Only five more minutes, I wanna make a video while the idea is still strong in my head and I need your help,” Dan complained.

     “How about ten?”

     “Ugh, fine, okay.”

     Dan stared at Phil’s chest rising and falling, quickly getting bored. He didn’t want to leave Phil’s embrace, but he really wanted to get this video done today while he still had the passion and feel for it. _Especially since I don’t already know the song_ , he thought. _It shouldn’t take too long to figure out the keys, but I don’t want to waste the daylight._

     He wiggled impatiently, sighing. He was so comfortable and he loved to cuddle, but his fingers were itching to touch the keys and do the song justice.

     Phil shifted a little, loosening his grip.

     “You can get up, you know, you don’t have to stay in bed with me,” Phil murmured.

     Dan sighed again; he didn’t want to leave Phil now, but he also didn’t want to keep lying there. He hummed thoughtfully as he Eskimo kissed Phil’s chest, and he felt Phil rub his thumb over the middle of Dan’s spine in response.

     “Okay, I’m gonna get up then. I hope it doesn’t bother you too much if I sing and play the piano,” Dan said, extricating himself from Phil’s grasp.

     “No, it’s fine, I love listening to you anyway,” Phil replied, opening his eyes to smile at Dan.

     Dan stood up but leaned in to kiss him sweetly on the lips. The soft look in his eyes made Dan’s heart squeeze in his chest and he smiled back, before padding out into the lounge to sit at his piano. Before touching the keys, he started playing the song out loud so that he could refresh his memory and start to plan out his cover.

     Phil didn’t want to fall back asleep if Dan was singing; his voice was so beautiful and full of emotion, and it was carrying through the wall. After lying there for a while just listening, he rolled over to check the time; it was just past 11:30am. _He really woke up early_ , mused Phil. _His passion for music is really attractive._

     Phil stretched and yawned, patting around for his glasses. He stopped in the doorway to appreciate the sight of Dan muttering to himself and softly singing words or notes to try to figure out which keys were the right ones to play. By his elbow, there was a sheet of paper rapidly filling up with Dan’s barely-legible chicken scratch; occasionally he’d stop to scribble something else down, mutter more to himself, and keep playing. Phil settled on the couch, alternating between watching Dan and scrolling down Twitter, favouriting tweets.

     He yawned, rubbing an eye; Dan had been working intensely since he’d gotten up out of bed about an hour ago and showed no signs of slowing down. Phil stood up and stretched before walking into the kitchen. He could still see Dan because of the open layout as he made coffee for the both of them, and poked around to see what he could do about food.

     Phil ended up making pancakes; if Dan wanted to record a video today, they might as well have lots of energy to get them through it. (But mostly, Phil just wanted pancakes.) He plated them, leaving the extra on another plate, before moving closer to Dan. He looked up at Phil when he approached, still pressing keys.

     “Hey, you want pancakes?”

     Dan grinned.

     “I’m always ready to eat pancakes.” He stood up and kissed Phil, taking his hand and pulling him towards the pancakes.

     They sat down.

     “Thanks for making them,” Dan said, pouring golden syrup on his.

     “No problem; you were so in the zone and I didn’t want to disturb you. What are you working on, anyway?”

     “A new cover, I finally figured out the idea this morning. The song is called 'Let Them In', I think I’m going to do a sort of music video but nothing as grand as our collab.”

     “Oh, interesting, I’ve never heard that song.”

     “It’s off of the same album as the song we did in the collab, but I’m sort of interpreting it a different way,” Dan hedged, not really wanting to get into explicit details.

     “Alright, so you want me to help hold the camera?”

     “Yeah, I’ll tell you about the angles I need and then we’ll go through the song a few times.”

     “Okay, sure.”

\--

     It was cloudy and kind of gloomy outside; typical London weather. Dan had explained that it was the perfect setting for his video anyway, and had dragged his piano out to the corner, so that he would be sitting right next to the half-wall between his and Phil’s balconies. He was facing outward to the city but his piano was as close to the wall of his flat as possible while leaving room for him to sit.

     “I need the space because after I do the parts where I’m sitting at the piano, I’m going to stand in that space and be addressing myself, basically,” Dan said when Phil asked why he was squishing himself up against the wall.

     Dan had directed Phil to set the tripod up on the opposite side of the balcony and aim the camera so that you couldn’t see the glass of the balcony doors. It was a tricky shot to align because the balcony wasn’t especially wide, so Phil had to angle the camera a little and zoom in. Dan stood in front of the piano so that Phil could make sure that he caught all of Dan in the shot as he made slight adjustments.

     “We’ll shoot all of these wide angles now so we don’t have to worry about replicating the exact same angle after we moved it. Then we can do the closeups and stuff of when I’m playing the piano, and the closeups of the me that’s standing in front of the piano. After that, we can do all the other non-performance shots… And I’m going to need you to be in some of them, by the way, but your face won’t be in it.”

     “Did you really think all of this up just this morning?” Phil asked, his eyes wide. “I thought you said it wasn’t going to be as grand as our collab?”

     Dan smiled sheepishly.

     “I get a little carried away sometimes, but I feel like that’s what the song needs.”

     “Okay, you’re the mastermind here,” Phil said good-naturedly.

     “I’m just gonna go over it a few more times, you can like poke around my flat or get your laptop or something.”

     “I’ll just sit here,” Phil said, unceremoniously sitting down right where he stood, leaning back against the side balcony wall. He was sitting on the ground, but he didn’t mind at all.

     Dan looked at him for a second, maybe in a mix of disbelief and amusement, judging by his slightly open mouth and wide eyes. He snorted to himself, shaking his head before turning back to the keys.

     “You’re so weird,” he said fondly, smiling.

     “I just like to hear you play!” Phil protested, smiling back.

     Dan just shook his head again, and Phil pulled out his phone to amuse himself. He took another picture of Dan; it was kind of a habit at this point.

     Dan went through the song three more times, singing softly at first as he figured out how and where he’d vary from the original. Phil hummed along; he didn’t know the song too well, but he was starting to recognize it.

     When Dan stopped playing, Phil looked up to see him stretching his arms up above his head, arching his back.

     “You ready?” Phil asked.

     “Yep, hopefully we don’t have to do too many takes.”

\--

     Dan was editing the video as Phil sat next to him browsing Tumblr. He was carefully merging the balcony shots together so that the Dan at the piano was singing at the Dan standing up; he had changed shirts in between takes so that in all of the standing up clips, he was wearing a black shirt under a black jacket with the hood pulled up, contrasting the light grey shirt he was wearing when he played the piano.

 _Since it’s more of a lowkey music video, it doesn’t have to have as many scene changes as “You and I” did,_ Dan reminded himself when he thought that the video seemed a little sparse. _The point is the song and the interpretation, not the video._

     Dan was singing on the balcony with hooded Dan resting his arms on the railing and looking out at the city, not acknowledging Dan at the piano.

 _You’re a fire_  
_Burning up in my brain,_  
_You can’t be tamed for me._  
_You struck a match and left me to burn._  
_It doesn't feel right_  
_To feel the weight of your world, the weight of your world in my spine.  
You’ve had me going out of my mind._

     To the middle of the first verse, Dan added a burn effect to transition to a shot over hooded Dan’s shoulder, showing part of the back of his head and shoulder, and the city.

     When the chorus hit, the video cut to a frontal shot of Dan playing the piano passionately.

 _I wanna feel something_  
_That's not the touch of your breath on my neck._  
_I wanna feel something_  
_That's not the weight of your world in my head,_  
_And all the walls are caving in,_  
_And I feel you entering._  
_I shouldn't give in, but I let you win,  
I let you in._

     The video cut back to the two Dans, but the hooded Dan was now facing the Dan at the piano with his elbows resting on top of the railing. He was looking up and to the side so neither Dan nor the camera could see his face, giving the impression that he was purposely ignoring the Dan at the piano even though he had acknowledged him.

 _Find a new place,_  
_Another space to invade,_  
_Another brain to decay_  
_With your presence, with your ghost._  
_I'm growing sick in the head trying to push you out, trying to push you out of it._  
_I said it and I'll say it again,  
I won't let you in._

     For the longest line of the verse, Dan had had Phil put on the black shirt and jacket and stand in for hooded Dan; the shot was of Dan’s hands on Phil’s chest, repeatedly pushing him back. For the last line, it was a closeup of the bottom half of Dan’s face as he mouthed the words.

     At the chorus, the video cut back to Dan at the piano on the balcony.

 _I wanna feel something_  
_That's not the touch of your breath on my neck._  
_I wanna feel something_  
_That's not the weight of your world in my head,_  
_And all the walls are caving in,_  
_And I feel you entering._  
_I shouldn't give in, but I let you win,  
I let you in._

     For the bridge, Dan was in bed like he was sleeping, facing away from the open doorway (ignoring the fact that they were filming this during the day). Phil had set up the camera in the corner furthest from the door so that the doorway as well as Dan’s bed was in the shot. The hooded Dan appeared in the open doorway, his image flickering and glitching before fully solidifying.

 _Caving in,_ _  
_ _Entering._

 _Caving in,  
_ _Entering._

     Without moving, he glitched out of the shot again before reappearing in the same fashion but closer to the Dan sleeping in bed. This happened several times until the hooded Dan was standing right next to the bed. He reached out slowly, but just before he touched the sleeping Dan’s arm, he glitched out and then the whole scene glitched and transitioned to Dan sitting at the piano on the balcony, but this time he was alone and wearing the black jacket over his light grey shirt, with the hood up. (Dan had debated adding in a rain effect, but thought it might look too fake and cheesy. _If only my piano could withstand the rain,_ he had thought mournfully.)

 _I wanna feel something_  
_That's not the touch of your breath on my neck._  
_I wanna feel something_  
_That's not the weight of your world in my head,_  
_And all the walls are caving in,_  
_And I feel you entering._  
_I shouldn't give in, but I let you win,  
I let you in._

     As the last notes faded out, Dan looked up from the keys to the spot where the hooded Dan had stood, and then he glitched out and disappeared. The video lingered on the shot of the piano and bench for a few seconds before fading to black.

     Dan blinked hard a few times and stretched, finally done editing the video. Looking at the time, he winced; he’d been so deep into editing he didn’t even notice that two and a half hours had passed. He started the upload process, then looked around to see that Phil had dozed off while curled up on one end of the couch, a book lying open in front of him. Dan smiled at the sight before reaching up to slowly take Phil’s glasses off, not wanting to wake him. He picked up the book and marked Phil’s place with a random piece of paper before putting the book on the table next to Phil’s glasses. _It’s probably a good time for us to eat_ , Dan thought. _I’ll let him sleep while I cook something, since he made pancakes earlier._

     Dan brought his laptop over to the kitchen so he could keep an eye on his video’s progress and also so he could listen to music while he cooked. He put on Radiohead partly because he didn’t want to play anything loud that would startle Phil awake, and partly because he just really loved Radiohead.

     He was humming along as he stirred the sauce, when he felt arms slip around his waist and a chin settle on his right shoulder. He jumped and turned his head to see Phil with his glasses on, his eyes not fully open.

     “Hmm, pasta? Good choice,” Phil sleepily mumbled, voice rough. “Did you finish editing the video?”

     “I did, it’s uploading right now. You can keep sleeping for a bit, I’ll wake you up when the food’s ready? Sorry for waking you up this morning before you were ready to get up.”

     “No, I’d rather stay here like this. Don’t worry about it, you know I love listening to and watching you play,” Phil said. He moved his head so that he could rest his left cheek against Dan’s shoulder. “I’d rather lose sleep for that than for anything else.”

     Dan reached up with his right hand to poke Phil’s cheek; it was a strange angle but he managed to do it.

     “You’re so sappy,” he said, grinning down at the pot of sauce.

     “You love it,” Phil sing-songed, wiggling his body.

     “You’re alright, I guess,” Dan tried to adopt a nonchalant tone, but his hand settling over top of Phil’s hands where they were clasped under his stomach clearly said otherwise.

     Phil huffed in amusement, and squeezed tighter, pressing himself as close to Dan as possible.

     “You’re such a dork.”

     “Yeah, but you love me anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up writing two chapters instead of an epilogue lmao...


	5. Epilogue: Eyelids

     Phil was nervous. He paced around his bedroom, debating the pros and cons of his idea. _On one hand, it’d be a really cute thing to do. On the other hand, it’d be totally public… Or I could just show it to him? And post it later if he agrees? It’d be fitting since that was the way we announced our friendship to the world years ago…_

     “Hey, you okay?” Phil was startled out of his thoughts by Dan’s voice coming from behind him.

     “I heard you pacing from my room,” Dan continued. “I mean, I guess I’m right across the hall but anyway, what’s up?”

     “Nothing, just thinking about a video idea.” It wasn’t a lie; he was just omitting part of the truth.

     “Hmm, can I help?” Dan walked in from where he was leaning against the doorframe and threw himself across Phil’s bed.

     Phil panicked a little.

     “Uh, I’m just trying to figure out the kind of shots I’m going to need, that’s all.”

     “Is it a cover?”

     “Yeah, it’s 'Eyelids' by PVRIS.”

     “Between us we’ll have done three PVRIS songs in total; if bands did spons we would totally deserve one,” Dan joked.

     “Right? Subscribers have been asking for it, and also I just really like the song,” Phil said, when he suddenly got an idea. _I can ask him to edit it with me so he’ll see it. Perfect!_

     “Do you need my help to film it?” Dan asked.

     “Hmm…” Phil crossed his arms as he considered the possibilities. “Probably? I’ll figure out what I need and then ask you?”

     “Works for me,” Dan said, rolling onto his back and staring up at Phil’s ceiling, idly scratching his belly.

     Phil settled on the bed next to him so they could both stare at the ceiling together in comfortable silence. The corners of Phil’s mouth turned up when he felt Dan wiggle a little closer to him so their legs were touching.

     “I don’t think I’m going to do a fancy music video, probably… Maybe something subtle like your video for 'Let Them In' that you did a few years ago.”

     Dan turned his head to look at him, his eyes bright.

     “You still remember that? That was so long ago!”

     Phil looked back at him, smiling.

     “Yeah, I really liked it; it said a lot without you actually explaining it in words. It was really creative and the effects were so you, while still conveying everything the way you intended."

     Dan grinned wide at the praise, and rolled over to grab Phil and rub his cheek on his chest like an affectionate cat.

     “You’re so sweet to me,” Dan said.

     Phil wrapped an arm around him.

     “It’s because you’re sweet.”

\--

     Dan yawned, rubbing his eyes as he groped for his phone. Checking his notifications, he saw a text from Phil:

_“Hey, I left my laptop in there, can you watch my video whenever you wake up? I’m not sure how I feel about it, especially one of the parts near the end. I’ll be in the office editing our gaming video”_

_“I just woke up sorry lol yeah sure I’ll watch it rn,”_ Dan texted back, before reaching for Phil’s laptop.

     The video was already open for Dan to click play. The first shot of the music video was Phil standing in front of the window in his room, throwing him into shadow so the focus was on his silhouette playing the violin. ( _The window does just as well as my old balcony, anyway, and people aren’t watching for the background,_ Phil had thought when recording it. _It was worth leaving it behind to move into a bigger place with Dan._ )

_I’ll face my fear of the evening once I get used to this feeling._  
_I can’t sleep,_  
_That’s when you’re torn away from me.  
While I’m dreaming, I feel you leaving._

     In the instrumental part, there was one of Phil’s pictures of Dan playing the piano, but it was from behind. When the next verse started, Phil put in a sneaky picture he had taken of Dan’s hand in his.

_I’ll face my fear of the sunrise when I wake up with your hand in mine._  
_It’s hard to say “good morning” when it’s followed with “goodbye”,  
Just wanted to say “good night”._

     For the second and third lines of the verse, there was a timelapse of the sun rising, and then the same timelapse in reverse so it looked like the sun was setting. The chorus was coming up, so the timelapse transitioned into Phil’s silhouette playing in front of his window again.

_Our eyes fighting the light,_  
_But I’m not ready to say “good night”._  
_I try and hold on tight ‘cause it’s just not time to say “good night”,  
Say “good night”._

     The next shot was Phil looking out at the city at night. ( _We like using those a lot, but honestly it’s a nice shot_ , Phil had thought to himself while editing.)

_I’ll face my fear of the cold nights when you leave me behind._  
_I felt your hands in my hair,_  
_I felt your breath on my neck.  
Yeah, I need to feel you again._

     Phil had had Dan help him for the shots for the rest of the verse. Dan had filmed the back of Phil as he was watching TV. He patted the top of his head and looked around like he thought he had felt someone touch him, and then after a few seconds, he flinched and grabbed the back of his neck. Phil had controlled the lighting so his face was never revealed to the camera, and in editing, he made them black and white for more contrast. For the last line of the verse, Phil stood at the window, looking out, bracing himself with his hands on the windowsill.

     The video transitioned to Phil playing the violin on the landing near the stairs. It was nighttime and Phil was barely illuminated by light from the lounge.

_Just wanted to say "good night"._  
_Our eyes fighting the light,_  
_But I'm not ready to say "good night"._  
_I try and hold on tight ‘cause it's just not time to say "good night",  
Say “good night”._

     The interlude before the bridge was Phil running down the street, away from the camera as Dan held it. (“Doing real exercise for a video, that’s dedication,” Dan had commented.) There was a jump cut to Phil walking up the stairs into their flat just before the bridge began, and then another jump cut to Phil in bed with an indistinguishable person next to him, both asleep. (“If you just wanted me in bed with you, all you had to do was ask,” Dan had joked. Phil had poked him and handed him a mostly-opaque black fabric. “Shut up and cover yourself with this, okay, and face away from me.” “Oooh, are we going to have sex with the lights on?” “...” “Sorry, sorry.”)

_These eyes are closed again for yet another night._  
_I wake up and I can feel you by my side,_  
_But I can't find you in the dark when you're so far._  
_Yeah, that's the hardest part.  
Here comes the hardest part._

     Phil rolled over, his eyes open in the dark, and patted around the empty space between them, never reaching Dan before the shot changed.

     For the last chorus, it was a constant alternation between Phil’s silhouette playing in front of the window, and the progression of two hands reaching for each other as the lights dim.

_Our eyes fighting the light,_  
_But I'm not ready to say "good night"._  
_I try and hold on tight ‘cause it's just not time to say "good night".  
Say good night. _

     The instrumental before the ending lines of the song was long, so Phil put in clips of him playing in different locations at different times of day: in the middle of a trail surrounded by trees, on a random street, in an alleyway, in a park. In all of these shots, Phil had the same black veil draped over his face that he had had Dan wearing before. During the last part of the instrumental, the video changed to a side profile of Phil looking out the window, still wearing the black veil, but his phone was up to his ear. The veil was carefully arranged so that it didn’t cover his lips as he spoke over the music:

_I mean, in what world do I go to sleep after you and wake up before you?! I don’t even know how it happens. Well, I hope you’re having sweet dreams, and come find me when you’re done watching this._

     The camera angle switched back to behind Phil as he let his hand drop, and then there was a closeup of Phil’s phone on the “call ended” screen, where it said “Dan” with a ring and a heart emoji, before the video ended. Dan sat there for a second, mind racing at the changed words of the song and the emojis beside his name, before flinging himself out of bed and rushing through the house.

     “Phil? Phil!” He called.

     “In the office!” Phil called back. His heart was beating so fast it was almost in time with Dan’s rapid footsteps up the stairs.

     Dan got to the top of the stairs and stopped in his tracks at the sight of Phil on one knee, facing the open doorway. _The light from the window almost makes him look like an angel,_ Dan thought absently, as he stared with wide eyes. His hands came up to his mouth as Phil began to speak.

     “Dan, I never thought that I would find somebody who understands me as well as I understand myself. I would do anything with you, I would go to the ends of the earth as long as you were by my side. I’m so proud of this world we built together and I could never imagine doing it with anybody else. You’re the only one I could ever see myself with. Daniel James Howell, will you marry me?”

     Dan tried in vain to keep the tears in check so that he could fully appreciate this moment forever. He nodded furiously, blinking hard to see Phil with the most radiant smile on his face, getting up to wrap his arms around Dan.

     “I love you so much,” Dan said into Phil’s shoulder, draping his arms over Phil’s shoulders.

     Phil pulled back to kiss him, still holding him, and Dan imagined that all the light and love and life that Phil had given him throughout the years was summed up in that one gesture.

     "I can’t even imagine a life without you,” Phil said, looking him in the eyes.

     Dan smiled wide through the tears in his eyes, touched. _Phil, a man who loves through actions, using his words to express his love for me..._

     “I adore you... And also I finally have my own personal hot chocolate maker forever,” Dan said the last part with a cheeky (and watery) wink, punctuating it with a quick peck to Phil’s cheek.

     “You’re lucky I love you." Phil put his hands on Dan's face, brushing his tears away with his thumbs.

     “I am a joy."

     “Alright, you’re my joy.”

     “Ugh, gross… I guess you’re mine, too… Can we put Maltesers on the wedding cake, just for the irony?”

     Phil kissed him again.

     “Only if the cake topper is a lion and a llama.”

     “...Oh my God.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished it! Endings are always kind of hard to write, I hope it was okay lol.


End file.
